The Importance of Things

I have a friend who is 65ish, retired from his day job (which he never loved much) who is interested in all sorts of subjects: science, music, old movies, history, dusty old books and a lot inbetween. He was an only child and spoiled as befits an only child. He loves Christmas, even though he doesn't celebrate it in a religious way, and has composed carols of all varieties that get played at his annual Christmas Eve Party. He might be considered a curmudgeon by some, but I find him honest, delightful and utterly refreshing.
Over the last 10-15 years he has begun an odyssey of sorts into his past. He is trying to acquire the things that he remembers and/or longs for from his past. He has replaced all the pieces of his childhood train set and even bought a few extra items that he never had as a child. He has his original chemistry set that Santa once brought him and has gone about trying to assemble a complete collection of all the games and toys that he once owned.
I write about this because as I look back on my early adulthood things played a huge part in my life--mostly the things I lacked. When I think back on the me that I was I’m embarrassed. The story is so sad.
Here I was, a young married woman living in Canada with my resident-in-Urology husband. We had no money and I was working at whatever art-type jobs I could find to help support us. When it came to getting a present, all I wanted was a Raggedy Ann Doll. I can’t quite explain it , except that I had a fascination about the “I Love You” heart and that I must never have gotten such a doll as a kid. (Stay tuned for the occasional foray into that world.) My new husband, bless his soul, went out and bought me a doll. But he bought me the Andy Doll instead, which just wouldn’t do. Now how pathetic is that? Woman in her 20’s-- a) wanting a doll as a gift and b)disappointed because the wrong doll was purchased. I cringe to think about it. Somehow, I got the Ann doll soon after and had both of them. I guess life was better. I was able to move on, and it was about time.
Having little or nothing, especially compared to other people in your subgroup, can make one feel so empty and worthless. I felt inadequate. I was less than other people somehow. Now I know that that wasn’t true, but I wonder if I could have learned this earlier. To this day I can name things I wanted so badly that never came: A Ponytail diary, scrapbook, wallet or just about anything else. A khaki coat with a raccoon collar. A professional hair cut. A transistor radio that was being given to a lucky winner at Kresge’s. A normal family, Okay, that last thing would have been asking way too much.
Today, I think, things can be burdens. I pay a lot of money for storage. My unsold work needs to be kept somewhere safe and dry. I can’t quite part with memories or objects that have “value.” I’m trying not to give in too to much desire. I’m trying not to start buying all my childhood wants on ebay. But I will admit to the occasional search...